Today was my first day of classes for the last year of college.
But I had the leisure to start at 1 pm unlike many students who start very early in the morning. But it was very tough for me. I still felt the same nervousness as I did when I was a freshmen. It was hard to breathe, my stomach was hurting and I felt like I needed to poop.
But after awhile, after getting out of the train station, I went to meet up with a classmate who is my friend that was taking the same class as I did. I told her that I was still feeling nervous because it’s my last year. And it was pretty scary. She felt the same way too.
Having to see a whole bunch of new freshmen wearing the university’s tee-shirt saying “Year of 2019” made me have goosebumps because I was in that position about 3 years ago. I didn’t feel like a student anymore. I felt like a mentor or a teacher for the younger students that were coming in for the college experience.
My job doesn’t help with the nervousness either. I work at the ITS Service Center at my campus and there will always be students coming in with problems that they dont know how to fix or can’t fix and I have to do it for them because I have the knowledge and tools to help. I feel like such an adult about to blast into the real world.
But when I look at myself in the mirror, I feel like a child, and I’m scared to succeed and get a real job and buy a house and move out and be on my own. It’s fucking scary. But I have to go through with it because I can’t stop time. I want to and I don’t want to at the same time.
But still, I can’t stop time because it’s always going and moving forward. I just have to go.